Friday, August 13, 2010

I just want to be accepted...but only by being me

This world now is too critical. You can't be the real you, because you'll lose friends, or never get friends, a boy friend, a girl friend...anything. I hate it. I just want to dress like me, and be me. Not have to primp up and make myself look like someone I'm not. That would be wonderful. I'm different, and I'll take it as a compliment. I love sticking out of the crowd, wearing neon, bright, odd clothes. Punk is my favorite. But no on wants to be with a girl who looks like that. Which absolutely sucks, cuz I want the boy to love me or being myself, and not be ashamed of me. I know God isn't, so why does everyone else have to be? Why would God give me such a desire to be different, if everyone else wants me to look the same? I just can't do it. I won't dress girly-girl, I won't wear high cut shirts, low rise pants, or short skirts. I can't stand long hair because it makes me look snobby, and not me. So, that's who I am. I'm not a typical, normal girl. I'm me. I love me, and I know God does, too. And if anyone has a problem the way I am, you can take it to God. He doesn't make mistakes. At all.

Friday, May 21, 2010

No Computer......*sigh*

OK, so you're probably wondering, ' If she has no computer, then how did she do this post?' Well, the answer is because I'm at the Library. I'm not complaining, then Library's great, but I wish we had our home one back. I know this is a test from God, because it's testing all of us. We all are getting irritated, but we're going to have to live. Maybe 'some people' could read a book, or play a game or something. Oh, I have great news.... I FOUND MY DRAWINGS! *confetti, balloons, music* I am SO happy! I drew my first picture in a week, and it felt GOOD! I didn't "find" them, Mom did, but I was so happy, I ran into my room and put them away. lol I'm bringing my comic to my Sunday School teacher this Sunday (which is also the day I sing at night church *gulp!*). I can't wait to color my drawing. I have to say, it's one of my best, besides my comic. I am getting different techniques and everything and they are turning out better than my old ones! *squeals in delight*

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Singing Next Sunday *gut hurts*

OOOO! My guts hurt! Why? Cuz I'm gonna sing Sunday Night next week. I've felt nervous all month, and now, it's almost here....*groan* I want to do it, but just the thought of me probably messing up and blushing redder than a tomato nearly kills me! *breaths deeply* Ok, I gotta relax. I wanted to do this for God, and I'm gonna stick to it. *whew* Sorry, over-reacted. I really do want to do this for God, I do. I just let fear over-take me, and I shouldn't, because God is in control. I just need to calm down and practice hard.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Formspring Stalker

I have this thing called Formspring, and what it is is that you get asked questions (anonymously or not), and you answer them. Well, lately I've been getting questions on what I want ( to put it the way the questioner did)in a "mate". I answer them, but it often makes me wonder who is asking them. I'll never know unless someone says, " I asked it!" *sigh* Oh well, I guess it's just one of those things I'm not goin to know. Plus, it's also show anyone out there what I want in a boy. I wonder if what I want in a boy is what God also wants? Usually, it's not. But it maybe, this time it is. Once again, something I'll never know. I know God has someone planned for me, but the girl in me (the fleshy girl) wishes for a boyfriend.

Saving Grace Church

I went to the Youth Group at Saving Grace yesterday (which I LOVE!), and they are doing Youth Sunday the second Sunday in June (whew!), but guess what??? I'm in 2 skits, singing (hopefully) AND I'm doing a message with Krystl Gardner! I'm a little nervous, but I feel like I have to do this. I want to do this! I'm excited! One skit is short, so it'll be easy. The second is longer and I'm kinda, like, the main character (gulp!). I hope I do good... I want to do this for God. I'm more nervous about the message with Krystl, because with the skits, I won't have to look at the audience, but with the message, I'll have to.

*Voice in my head*
Oh come on, Shelby! This is for God! You can do it. Mom will be there, and Krystl will be doing it with you! 

OK, I'm better. I'm just can't wait. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do it, because it was suppose to be the Sunday of my birthday, and I wanted to be in it. So I am SO glad that they changed it tot he second Sunday! :D :D

Shaky Later!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Youth Group: Mom Worries

*sigh* So I go to Youth Group tonight, and no one talks to me. I don't really mind, but it kills my mom. I don't quite understand it, because it doesn't bother me. I only go for the lesson and some of the games. I don't know why I don't mix in with the other kids, I just don't. Maybe it's God's way of telling me something. Sometimes it hurts that I don't mix. Sometimes I'm grateful I don't mix. I'm like a black (or we'll say neon green in this case! :D) sheep in a flock of white sheep. I don't mind being different, I want to be different. It worries my mom though, but I don't know why. I guess it's because I don't have a lot of friends or something, but maybe that's God telling me I don't need a lot of friends. If I have a lot of friends, I might do
bad things. Last week, in Sunday School, we had gotten to the part of the Bible where it says, " And their eyes were opened and they saw they were naked and sewed fig leaves to cover themselves." And the whole topic got to nudist colonies! The teacher was doing her best to get off the topic, but why do I want friends that are going to talk about that when that verse comes up or even think about it like that? I want friends that are going to dig deeper into the meaning of what that verse means. *sigh* I don't want my mom to worry. I'm fine! I don't need them to be happy. 1. I have God, who could be a better friend than Him?! 2. I have 2 good friends. If that's all God wants me to have, then I'm good. I might want more, but I'll realize that that's NOT what God wanted. I just want to follow God to the ends of the earth, even if that means going to Youth Group and not have anyone talk to me.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Battle Between Christian Bands and so Called " Christian Bands"

There has been a big battle between Christian Bands and Bands that call themselves Christian, but don't write Christian songs on Facebook. I think that if a band is Christian, they should most definately sings songs that would bring someone to Christ, or whats the point?? People are saying that they write a non-Christian song so that people will buy their CD...then there will be a Christian song on there that might bring them to Christ. Some people are like that too. They become worldy, so that they will fit in, then they swithch around and become godly. But I think it doesn't work that way. They could be stuck being worldy because they were in a worldy atmosphere for so long. It's the same for bands. They become wordly for people to listen, then they go to Christian, but they can't seem to because they start to go down in buisness. So they start singing worldly songs. You should always be yourself when your a Christian Band. You should start right off and sing songs that glorify God.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Ambidexrtrious Journal

Day 2

Ok, I'm also doing cursive. My cursive actually looks better than my normal letters! lol M shapes are a bit wobbly, but thats ok. Practice make perfect! :D I'm gonna keep working at it all day.

Shakey L8tr!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ambidextrious Journal

Day 1
Ok, I'm gonna learn how to draw and write with my left hand! This should be fun! :D Right now, my shapes and letters look like Joshua did them, but I have to keep trying. Keep coming back to see how my journies doing!

Shakey L8tr!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I Have to Wait

Ok, one of my friends today told me she has a bf. I feel a twinge of jealousy. I know I have to wait on God, but it's awfully hard. Sometimes I feel like God is never gonna choose someone for me. I wish I knew. I wish I knew the person who liked me. *sigh* When I see other people have bfs or gfs, I feel left out. I know better to wait, because something bad might happen, but it is so hard to wait, especially when I see everyone else already has one. I just gotta rely on Him, even though it's hard and sometimes painful, I just have to put my trust and faith in him,

Saturday, February 6, 2010

PINK CHICKEN

Ok, so I got to Pink Chicken, another place for teens to hang out, and I SO enjoyed myself! They and a skit there that was AWESOME and Kaylee Robinson (thank you Kaylee!) talked to me! I was so happy. We talked about the skit and how cool it was. Poor Emily was helping the others get ready - sorry Em! :(. I drew two new Anime pics and am TRYING to get them up, but our computer is so dumb, I can't stand it! GRRRR. I'm gonna try to put the last four (I don't understand why it wouldn't put up FOUR pics!) tomorrow. The computer should be ready for me by then. Oh! I haven't even told you about Anime. Anime is Japanese drawing of people. My profile pic is my own Anime. I look for new pics alot, but there are never Christian ones. So I've decided to do my own, and I am hoping God will bless them. I want to reach out to people with them. I like doing Anime, it relaxes me. Maybe one day I'll somehow put them up here. Well, gotta go. TTYL!

Shakey Later!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Nothing There

Ok, so I go to Youth Group, and I feel so empty there. There is no one there who wants to talk about the things I know about. Like God. What's the point of a Youth Group if you don't talk about God?? I want a companion who will talk about God and not about things I don't like or understand. At Tapawingo Girls, I feel closer to the girls. We talk about God more than here. Sometimes, there's a small voice inside my head asking, ' Why do you keep going?' My reason for going is not for the teens or the games, but for the message, and how I can use that in my life. But sometimes, when that voice comes, I do ask my self, why do I keep going? I usually have the answer, but other times, I answer, ' I don't know.'

Monday, February 1, 2010

Rapture

You all know Jesus is coming, but no one knows when. There have been many thoughts from preachers that it is coming soon. Has anyone looked at the signs? Has anyone taken into thought about them? I think about them, but I never thought it would happen soon. I was wrong. I have looked up some sites on the rapture, and their all coming true. David Jeremiah said that it is coming in his life time. I'm not scared or worried, but I am shocked at how many have come true. That makes me want to get closer to God even more. I feel as if I haven't done enough. If you don't believe me, check out the sites. Their all coming true, weather we like it or not. And I know I'm going to Heaven. Are you?

http://www.pretribulation.com/signs.htm

http://www.rapturealert.com/signsofhiscoming.html

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Question

Dose anyone out there ever feel lonely?? I do. I feel like I am the only one of my kind here. What I mean, is that when I am around other kids my age...I feel like I am an outsider and I don't know what they are talking about. I feel left out. sometimes I wish I could blend in, but sometimes I'm glad I can't. I don't know why I can't make friends as easily as other people can, but I wish I knew.

LOTS of Things Have Happened

Ok, so I don't have that knee disease girls get. I actually have patella femoral syndrome. In other words, my feet are flat, so they are affecting my knee and hip and my lower spine. Lucky aren't I? So now I have to go to ANOTHER specialist and let him look at it and see if he'll proscribe orthopedic insoles or something. Also, to make matters worse, my left leg is starting to hurt like my left one is. Ug. Sometimes I wish I could crawl into a hole and just sit there forever. But I can't, so I have to stay focused on God and He'll get me through. Chris, the therapist, gave me exercises to do once a day. After I had done them, My hi hurt, but he said as long as it wasn't my knee, we were good. Here's something I have been thinking about for a while. I have a flair on Facebook, and it says, ' We don't have a soul, we are a soul, we have a body.' So, does that mean, that we are actually a soul? And that our soul is hearing and seeing, not what we think is hearing and seeing? I just really find that so cool.

Shakey Later!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Physical Therapy Tomorrow....Hooray.....

Tomorrow I have to go to physical therapy for my knee. The doc said my right leg is weaker than my left. How does that happen?? It still hurts and is in a brace. i didn't write about what happened that day...sorry. The doc said I have a disease girls get when their growing and they have hormones. I don't know how long this will last or if it goes away. I hope it goes away. I have to take iron pills for my anemia, which the knee doc said is related to joint pain...so maybe if we get my anemia under control, we can lessen my finger pain. Only, the pills are killing my guts, which is not good for a crohns person. So when I take one pill, I have to wait a few days to take then next one so my guts can relax. I wonder why God made me to have such problems? How could God use that? But I have to leave it in God's hands. In one of my favorite songs by Francesca Battistelli, there is one part of the song ' I'm Letting Go" that I like the best. When she sings, " Knowing You are holding me, I'm not afraid." I don't have to be afraid, because I know God is in control of everything.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Rebirthing

Rollerskating, WHEW!

I went rollerskating, but I didn't actually put on skates and go onto the floor. I sat back, drew, and watched my friends. And you know what....I wasn't sad or upset. I had a good time relaxing and watching everyone. Now I know what I look like skating from the other side! lol! I drew my friend Raichu (her nickname) an Anime pic and she said she was gonna use it as her profile pic on Face book. SWEET! I had fun, even though now my knee hurts, but I didn't care, I just wanted to get out and spend time with my friends. :D

Shakey Later

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Door Closes, Door Opens!

Ok, so I can't go Peru....but Mrs.Morgan did say that they were planning a trip to Virginia and said I could go! YES! Thank you God! I am SO hoping God will allow me to go to this one. Mrs.Morgan said it's gonna be crafts, sewing, painting and all that stuff that I'm good at! Mom said it was as if God closed a door on one thing, and opened another. :D :D I am so happy. When the time come for the teens to go, I'm not gonna be sad, I'm gonna wish 'em off and pray one of them will reach someone. I hope this new trip means that THAT one is the one he wanted me to go to all along.

Shakey Later

So Confused....Are You Trying To Tell Me Something, God?

Ok, so I go to church today, and the message was applying yourself to God's work. Instantly I had a pain in the pit of my stomach. In the message, pastor said there are 3 things that might be preventing God from using you. So I look at them and I feel guilty. They were sin, doubt and laziness. So I'm thinking, ' Have I done any of these? Is that why God prevented me? Am I doubting? Am I being lazy? Do I have unconfessed sins? After the message, about 10 people came up to me and asked why I wasn't going, and did I start to feel bad. Now, yesterday, mom said that Megan told her Christian said That I would be one to get it. That started making me guilty, and a bit happy, cuz it was so cool Christian thought of me like that. Anyway, for Sunday School, Mrs.Morgan gave a lesson, and it was centered around the same thing. So I have that pain in my stomach again, and I was wishing I could leave, but I knew I couldn't. She said they would be praying, and afterwards, she and Jessie Jensen said I could do office work and Mrs.Hand could stay with me, so I got a small spark of hope, but on the way home, I was so confused. I told John everything that had happened, and I feel so confused. God, are you trying to tell me something? Didn't you just tell my parents you didn't want me to go? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you tormenting me? I just don't understand.......

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Peru...99% of not Happening

Hey there. So, today I may not be going to Peru *sigh* I'm not mad, more like sad. I'm crushed, but hey, it happens. I'm not mad at my mom and dad, I know that it's not their fault, and it's not Gods fault either. God has been telling my parents not to let me go, cuz he knows best, and now, they get it and are saying no. But it's alright. I wanted to go really bad, but...I dunno. This is just gonna happen all my life, and I have to accept it. I'm more fragile than most, and God is keeping me from harm (or should we say in this case, MAJOR harm). I really don't know how feel now. I guess it's like a longing, deep feeling that I have no idea what it is. Maybe sadness, depression, hurt. It's not anger. I just don't know what it is. I...I think I'm gonna go.

Shakey Later

Friday, January 22, 2010

Might be better

Let's see...what to write about. Well, I may be better (sick-wise) enough to go to Y.G. and P.C.
(Youth Group and Pink Chicken) next week. Not much is goin on....just wishing my knee was better. I am hoping and praying God will let me go. mom said something today that really got my attention. She said God has not allowed me to do anything that I would get hurt doing. And I realized...now this may sound kinda dumb, like I should have known this before...but God really cares. He doesn't want me to get injured, and if I do, it's either because God was preventing me from getting hurt worse,or it was Satan (I hate typing his name on here, :P) I hadn't realized that till now, and it makes me feel special, that even though God has hundreds of children to look after, he always looks after me, and makes sure I'm safe. Well, I'm gonna go. See ya!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

NOT really good news

So, we went to the doctor, and patient room, he had posters that literally had pictures of everything that's wrong with me! Sad or what?! So he came in and he started bending my knee (OW!!!) then he said to bend my finger, he looks, and said I have hyper extended joints...whoopee. Oh! And even better news...I have very little growth plates left, which means I won't grow much more. (Depressed) You have NO idea how heart breaking that is. I have been DYING to grow taller, and now I have hardly any growth plates....*sigh* He said a bunch of Doctor Words and sent me for an MRI. I had that done and blood work. I still don't know if I'm able to go to Peru....ug.....I know God is in control of everything and anything, but I wish I could do what I wanted to do.....

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

THURSDAY!

WAHOO! Tomorrow is THURSDAY! Which means two things. 1. We go to the doc and he can look at my knee! 2. TEEN THURSDAY AT CCWT!! I am SO excited! :D :D I hope I don't screw anything up *gulp*. I like the band Skillet now....Emily Robinson hooked me. lol By the way...can you guess where I'm typing this?? ON MY LAPTOP! Yes! We FINALLY got it fixed....and nothing was lost on it! None of my stories (whew!), none of my pics (whew 2!) and none of my sites (whew 3, but you get the idea, glad NONE of them were gone!) I'm hoping mom can put my blog on her blogs (which means also on CCWT!) Well, gonna go. Maybe I'll be on later!

Shakey Later! :D

P.S. Thanks to Roger and Miss Trina for helping me with my computer problems!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

New Blog! SWEET!

Guess what? Maker of Bushel and a Peck has made a new blog! It's called, Christian Can We Talk? It's a place for Christians and even people who are not Christians to go and discuss matters that she will put up. Thursday is Teen day. She will put up a question or something and the teens can debate on it. It's gonna be SWEET! I can't wait! And between you and me, she's even thinking of making me co-author! How cool is that?! Raichu ( a nickname for my friend ) wants me to go to her co-opt. She says I'll have a blast there ( which I probably will ) and she said I could be in her group, even though I'm older than her. She said her friends want to meet me, aren't I popular? lol. I hope my knee gets better soon, only 2, more days till Thursday.

Shakey Later!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

* Sneeze, Hack*

Yuck, so very sick. My whole family has been sick, and they're still sick. Plus, to make matters better, my left knee it swollen and inflamed and it hurts. I get to see ANOTHER specialist Thursday, and I wish I could make the days go by quicker. I want to get out of the house and go somewhere, but my knee and mom wouldn't want me to. I am SO tired of being inside. *sigh*
Aloha (which is also bye in Hawaii)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Is It Wrong?

Ok, here's a question for you...I have been playing a game called Adventure Quest..and you could choose a side...Good or Evil. One character I chose Good, and the other, I was curious on what stuff you could do and I chose Evil. Mom freaks out and says I was wrong and stuff. Do you think I was wrong...it was just a game.....