Saturday, January 30, 2010

Question

Dose anyone out there ever feel lonely?? I do. I feel like I am the only one of my kind here. What I mean, is that when I am around other kids my age...I feel like I am an outsider and I don't know what they are talking about. I feel left out. sometimes I wish I could blend in, but sometimes I'm glad I can't. I don't know why I can't make friends as easily as other people can, but I wish I knew.

LOTS of Things Have Happened

Ok, so I don't have that knee disease girls get. I actually have patella femoral syndrome. In other words, my feet are flat, so they are affecting my knee and hip and my lower spine. Lucky aren't I? So now I have to go to ANOTHER specialist and let him look at it and see if he'll proscribe orthopedic insoles or something. Also, to make matters worse, my left leg is starting to hurt like my left one is. Ug. Sometimes I wish I could crawl into a hole and just sit there forever. But I can't, so I have to stay focused on God and He'll get me through. Chris, the therapist, gave me exercises to do once a day. After I had done them, My hi hurt, but he said as long as it wasn't my knee, we were good. Here's something I have been thinking about for a while. I have a flair on Facebook, and it says, ' We don't have a soul, we are a soul, we have a body.' So, does that mean, that we are actually a soul? And that our soul is hearing and seeing, not what we think is hearing and seeing? I just really find that so cool.

Shakey Later!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Physical Therapy Tomorrow....Hooray.....

Tomorrow I have to go to physical therapy for my knee. The doc said my right leg is weaker than my left. How does that happen?? It still hurts and is in a brace. i didn't write about what happened that day...sorry. The doc said I have a disease girls get when their growing and they have hormones. I don't know how long this will last or if it goes away. I hope it goes away. I have to take iron pills for my anemia, which the knee doc said is related to joint pain...so maybe if we get my anemia under control, we can lessen my finger pain. Only, the pills are killing my guts, which is not good for a crohns person. So when I take one pill, I have to wait a few days to take then next one so my guts can relax. I wonder why God made me to have such problems? How could God use that? But I have to leave it in God's hands. In one of my favorite songs by Francesca Battistelli, there is one part of the song ' I'm Letting Go" that I like the best. When she sings, " Knowing You are holding me, I'm not afraid." I don't have to be afraid, because I know God is in control of everything.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Rebirthing

Rollerskating, WHEW!

I went rollerskating, but I didn't actually put on skates and go onto the floor. I sat back, drew, and watched my friends. And you know what....I wasn't sad or upset. I had a good time relaxing and watching everyone. Now I know what I look like skating from the other side! lol! I drew my friend Raichu (her nickname) an Anime pic and she said she was gonna use it as her profile pic on Face book. SWEET! I had fun, even though now my knee hurts, but I didn't care, I just wanted to get out and spend time with my friends. :D

Shakey Later

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Door Closes, Door Opens!

Ok, so I can't go Peru....but Mrs.Morgan did say that they were planning a trip to Virginia and said I could go! YES! Thank you God! I am SO hoping God will allow me to go to this one. Mrs.Morgan said it's gonna be crafts, sewing, painting and all that stuff that I'm good at! Mom said it was as if God closed a door on one thing, and opened another. :D :D I am so happy. When the time come for the teens to go, I'm not gonna be sad, I'm gonna wish 'em off and pray one of them will reach someone. I hope this new trip means that THAT one is the one he wanted me to go to all along.

Shakey Later

So Confused....Are You Trying To Tell Me Something, God?

Ok, so I go to church today, and the message was applying yourself to God's work. Instantly I had a pain in the pit of my stomach. In the message, pastor said there are 3 things that might be preventing God from using you. So I look at them and I feel guilty. They were sin, doubt and laziness. So I'm thinking, ' Have I done any of these? Is that why God prevented me? Am I doubting? Am I being lazy? Do I have unconfessed sins? After the message, about 10 people came up to me and asked why I wasn't going, and did I start to feel bad. Now, yesterday, mom said that Megan told her Christian said That I would be one to get it. That started making me guilty, and a bit happy, cuz it was so cool Christian thought of me like that. Anyway, for Sunday School, Mrs.Morgan gave a lesson, and it was centered around the same thing. So I have that pain in my stomach again, and I was wishing I could leave, but I knew I couldn't. She said they would be praying, and afterwards, she and Jessie Jensen said I could do office work and Mrs.Hand could stay with me, so I got a small spark of hope, but on the way home, I was so confused. I told John everything that had happened, and I feel so confused. God, are you trying to tell me something? Didn't you just tell my parents you didn't want me to go? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you tormenting me? I just don't understand.......

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Peru...99% of not Happening

Hey there. So, today I may not be going to Peru *sigh* I'm not mad, more like sad. I'm crushed, but hey, it happens. I'm not mad at my mom and dad, I know that it's not their fault, and it's not Gods fault either. God has been telling my parents not to let me go, cuz he knows best, and now, they get it and are saying no. But it's alright. I wanted to go really bad, but...I dunno. This is just gonna happen all my life, and I have to accept it. I'm more fragile than most, and God is keeping me from harm (or should we say in this case, MAJOR harm). I really don't know how feel now. I guess it's like a longing, deep feeling that I have no idea what it is. Maybe sadness, depression, hurt. It's not anger. I just don't know what it is. I...I think I'm gonna go.

Shakey Later

Friday, January 22, 2010

Might be better

Let's see...what to write about. Well, I may be better (sick-wise) enough to go to Y.G. and P.C.
(Youth Group and Pink Chicken) next week. Not much is goin on....just wishing my knee was better. I am hoping and praying God will let me go. mom said something today that really got my attention. She said God has not allowed me to do anything that I would get hurt doing. And I realized...now this may sound kinda dumb, like I should have known this before...but God really cares. He doesn't want me to get injured, and if I do, it's either because God was preventing me from getting hurt worse,or it was Satan (I hate typing his name on here, :P) I hadn't realized that till now, and it makes me feel special, that even though God has hundreds of children to look after, he always looks after me, and makes sure I'm safe. Well, I'm gonna go. See ya!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

NOT really good news

So, we went to the doctor, and patient room, he had posters that literally had pictures of everything that's wrong with me! Sad or what?! So he came in and he started bending my knee (OW!!!) then he said to bend my finger, he looks, and said I have hyper extended joints...whoopee. Oh! And even better news...I have very little growth plates left, which means I won't grow much more. (Depressed) You have NO idea how heart breaking that is. I have been DYING to grow taller, and now I have hardly any growth plates....*sigh* He said a bunch of Doctor Words and sent me for an MRI. I had that done and blood work. I still don't know if I'm able to go to Peru....ug.....I know God is in control of everything and anything, but I wish I could do what I wanted to do.....

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

THURSDAY!

WAHOO! Tomorrow is THURSDAY! Which means two things. 1. We go to the doc and he can look at my knee! 2. TEEN THURSDAY AT CCWT!! I am SO excited! :D :D I hope I don't screw anything up *gulp*. I like the band Skillet now....Emily Robinson hooked me. lol By the way...can you guess where I'm typing this?? ON MY LAPTOP! Yes! We FINALLY got it fixed....and nothing was lost on it! None of my stories (whew!), none of my pics (whew 2!) and none of my sites (whew 3, but you get the idea, glad NONE of them were gone!) I'm hoping mom can put my blog on her blogs (which means also on CCWT!) Well, gonna go. Maybe I'll be on later!

Shakey Later! :D

P.S. Thanks to Roger and Miss Trina for helping me with my computer problems!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

New Blog! SWEET!

Guess what? Maker of Bushel and a Peck has made a new blog! It's called, Christian Can We Talk? It's a place for Christians and even people who are not Christians to go and discuss matters that she will put up. Thursday is Teen day. She will put up a question or something and the teens can debate on it. It's gonna be SWEET! I can't wait! And between you and me, she's even thinking of making me co-author! How cool is that?! Raichu ( a nickname for my friend ) wants me to go to her co-opt. She says I'll have a blast there ( which I probably will ) and she said I could be in her group, even though I'm older than her. She said her friends want to meet me, aren't I popular? lol. I hope my knee gets better soon, only 2, more days till Thursday.

Shakey Later!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

* Sneeze, Hack*

Yuck, so very sick. My whole family has been sick, and they're still sick. Plus, to make matters better, my left knee it swollen and inflamed and it hurts. I get to see ANOTHER specialist Thursday, and I wish I could make the days go by quicker. I want to get out of the house and go somewhere, but my knee and mom wouldn't want me to. I am SO tired of being inside. *sigh*
Aloha (which is also bye in Hawaii)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Is It Wrong?

Ok, here's a question for you...I have been playing a game called Adventure Quest..and you could choose a side...Good or Evil. One character I chose Good, and the other, I was curious on what stuff you could do and I chose Evil. Mom freaks out and says I was wrong and stuff. Do you think I was wrong...it was just a game.....